Having a baby is a an exciting time, especially if you have planned for one. Now you get to choose a baby name. One thing you do have control over.
There is a lot to think about when having a baby, and probably a lot I won’t think about until faced with that challenge, but at the moment we are still caught up in the fun bits. Picking a baby name is one of those things. We have been thinking about baby names before we even started trying for a baby.
Now we are pregnant we need a name for the baby as the clock is ticking. Something to call it other than ‘it’. Until now it’s been called Peanut and bump.
Picking a name is a slippery slope. You want a name that is going to reflect the person you want your child to be so you can’t just jump in head first (unlike a lot of the idiots on Wipeout). You need to think this through.
There is a set of unwritten rules you need to follow when picking a baby name.
CHOOSING A BABY NAME (the unwritten rules):
- You want a name which none of your friends have.
- Can’t be a name associated to anyone bad (Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter are no go areas for obvious reasons).
- You don’t want a name which opens your child up to bullying. (see the next two points).
- You want to stay away from names which sound like your surname. For example if your surname is Bell don’t call your little girl Mel.
- Avoid anything which makes up a stupid name when put together with your surname. If your surname is Cup don’t call your son Dick!
- Avoid comedy names. Don’t call your child Daley (after the decathlon champion Daley Thompson) if you are unfortunate enough to have the Surname Gaylord.
The Perception of a name
A name conjures up images of what that person will be before you even meet them. A name can strike fear in to the heart of people or let people think you are a sandal and sock wearing fool who has a phobia of Tupperware. For example Darth Vader wouldn’t have been as scary if his name was Larry Greenbottom and do you think James Bond would have shared his bed with so many stunning women if his name was Bernard Flapjack.
Bernard: The names Flapjack. Bernard Flapjack.
Woman: Knob off you perv.
Axel Thunderslash and Graham Box.
Two names I just made up.
Now which one of those do you think is a rockstar of epic proportions, can catch a tiger and drinks bleach as an antidote for heart burn? And which one likes sandwiches with no crusts, lives at home with his mum in his 40s and considers a late night to be watching back to back episodes of Downtown Abbey until 11:15?
A name determines how you are seen before you are seen.
A name opens and closes doors, but more than that it’s your label for life. It’s on your passport, it’s on your driving licence and people will be shouting it across the street to get your attention. I doubt your friends will be shouting ‘Oi! Sugarpuff Candyfloss!’ to get you to come and sit with them. They’d probably just let you go by.
You also need to take in to consideration your surname. If your surname is Cockburn I beg of you not to call your child Ivor or if your surname is Master don’t call your child Jedi and with a Surname like Macdonald I pray for your childs’ sanity that you don’t opt for the name Ronald. Yeah, it might seem funny at the time (if you’re drunk) and it will make for a good laugh at school, but as soon as your child hits 16 they will be running down to the deedpoll department and changing it to something less ridiculous, like Fraggle.
You could always go outside the box when naming a child. Chris Martin from Coldplay did this with his daughter and called her Apple and Kanye West called one of his children North. North, West (as if they won’t have enough to talk about with their therapist already).
Personally if you think calling your child Frutella Lemonpip Spinachweave is going to help them connect with other people in society and propel them on to any level of success, you are mad. They are more likely to end up dressed in a leopard print leotard dancing for peace outside your local town hall.
My Thoughts On Baby Names
So as we are going through the list of names it becomes apparent I like the traditional names. Henry and George for a boy and for a girl, Anna and Emily but I also quite like more unconventional names such as Carson, Elon and Esmay (last one for a girl).
When Sarah comes up with name suggestions I tend to associate it to people I know. If that person is a knob head that is the deciding factor as to whether it makes the short list. In light of this. it’s surprising I know so many knob heads!
Typical conversion with Sarah about what to name our child:
Sarah: How about Jamie for a boy?
Me: No. I know a Jamie and he’s a knob head.
Sarah: What about Judy?
Me: No. The other kids will say “don’t be moody Judy”. What about Odin?
Me: yeah. He was the Norse god of war.
Sarah: I don’t think so.
Me: Randy for a boy and Sandy for a girl?
Sarah: Be serious.
Sarah gives me a look.
Sarah leaves the room.
Me: Zeus? Thor? Napoleon?
And then we end up back to square one.
While watching TV Sarah is even suggestion names she sees in the credits or characters in the shows. Just so you know we have ruled out Heisenberg.
So as you can see it’s a long drawn out process which seems to be happening daily.
If you have any suggestions or want to share with me how you picked your child’s name then comment below. I’m finding this a slow and drawn out process so any help would be great fully received.
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